The following overheads were used throughout the program as visual aids
and as handouts. They were numbered to
correlate with the various sessions of the program. For example, #1.1: Title
was the first overhead shown and the first of the handouts given, and #2.1 was
the first handout given during the second session. Two exceptions to the correlation between the overheads and the
handouts were: (1) the expert responses
in the responding exercises were included on the handouts in the appendix
(though not on the originals, see overheads #6.3b, #6.5b, #7.4b, and
#7.6b); and (2) the same was done with
the expert responses to the discrimination exercises (see overheads #1.10b,
#2.7b, #3.10b, #4.5b, #5.6b, and #6.7b).
The table of contents in the following three pages was given to the
participants during the seventh session, the last day, and the contents served
as an outline for a review. At the end
of the last day's session, a blue colored coversheet was copied from #1.1: Title, and the table of contents was placed
at the front of the accumulated handouts as they are presented in this
appendix. The director used a heavy
duty stapler and stapled each participant's collection. The stapled collection became each man's
completed workbook with much information to review as he used the helping
skills in the future.
Note that overheads #4.2a-e contained the Interpersonal Check List (ICL)
inventory and scoring devices. Since
the overheads were for the benefit and interpretation of the individual
participants, the background for the ICL was placed in appendix 7.
Program/Handout Table
of Contents
Part 1: The Foundation--Attending Skills
#1.1: Title:
Love, Listening, Liberating: The Art of Christian Caring
Attending Skills Set #1 Day 1
#1.2: Devotion #1: Biblical Love
#1.3: Love, Listening, Liberating Principle
I.
Love, Listening, and Liberating Introduction
#1.4: Listening Self-Knowledge
#1.5: Program Outline
#1.6: Allen Ivey's Principles
#1.7a: Who Has Been Heard?
#1.7b: What the Professionals Say about Empathy
II.
Attending Skills Set #1: Body
Language and S-O-L-E-R
#1.8: Our Communication
#1.9: S-O-L-E-R
#1.10a: Assignment #1: Attending Skills Set #1:
Body Language
#1.10b: Assignment #2: Discrimination Exercise
#1.11: Discrimination Exercise Code
Attending Skills Set #2 Day 2
#2.1: Devotion #2: No Greater Love
I.
Follow-up: Attending Skills Set
#1: Body Language
II.
Attending Skills Set #1: Body
Language Continued
#2.2: Exploring Attending Skills
III.
Listening and Expectations
#2.3a: King Pygmalion Fashions a Dream
#2.3b: King Pygmalion's Dream Comes True
#2.4: Listening, Expectations, & Growth
IV.
Attending Skills Set #2: Reflecting Verbal Content
#2.5: Reflecting Verbal Content
#2.6: Reflecting Verbal Content Exercise
#2.7a: Assignment #2: Attending Skills Set #2:
Reflecting Verbal Content
#2.7b: Assignment #2: Discrimination Exercise
Attending Skills Set #3 Day 3
#3.1: Devotion #3: You Must Love Your Brother
I.
Follow-up: Attending Skills Set
#2
II.
Types of Listening
#3.2: Bad Listening Habits
#3.3: Four Kinds of Listening
III.
Attending Skills Set #3:
Reflecting Feelings
#3.4: Feeling Faces
#3.5a-e: Categorized Feeling Words
#3.6: A Continuum of Feeling Words
#3.7: Six Reasons that Inhibit Self-Disclosure
#3.8: Listening to Your Own Feelings and Emotions
#3.9: Responding to Others Exercise #1
#3.10a: Assignment #3: Attending Skills Set #3:
Responding to Feelings
#3.10b: Assignment #3: Discrimination Exercise
Part 2: The
Interpersonal Bridge of
Self-Disclosure
Self-Disclosure Day 4
#4.1: Devotion #4: Give of Yourself
I.
Follow-up: Attending Skills Set
#3
II.
The Interpersonal Check List (ICL):
Understanding One's Interpersonal Style
#4.2a-b: Interpersonal Check List
#4.2c: Interpersonal Check List Score Sheet
#4.2d: Interpersonal Check List Profile
Sheet--Sixteenths
#4.2e: Interpersonal Check List Profile
Sheet--Dom/Lov
III.
The Interpersonal Bridge of Self-Disclosure
#4.3: Some Rules of Self-Disclosure
#4.4: Self-Disclosure Exercises, explain, and
facilitate exercise
#4.5a: Assignment #4: Self-Disclosure
#4.5b: Assignment #4: Discrimination Exercise
Part 3: The
Connection--Empathic Skills Level
1
The Connection--Empathic Skills Level 1 Day 5
#5.1: Devotion #5: From Where Love Came & Why We Love
I.
Follow-up: Self-Disclosure
Assignment
II. An
Introduction to Empathy
#5.2a: Scriptural Overview of Empathy
#5.2b: Overview of Empathy Communication
#5.3: Responding to Others Exercise #2
III.
Empathic Skills Level 1:
Accurate Empathy (AE-I)
#5.4a: Some Prerequisite Scriptural Values of Empathy
#5.4b: Some Prerequisite Values of Empathy &
Their Behaviors
#5.5: Responding to Others Exercise #3
5.6a: Assignment #5: Accurate Empathy
#5.6b: Assignment #5: Discrimination Exercise
The Connection--Empathic Skills Level 2 Day 6
#6.1: Devotion #6: If One Part Suffers, Every Part Suffers
I.
Follow-up: Empathic Skills Level
1: Accurate Empathy (AE-I)
II. Empathic Skills Level 1: Accurate Empathy (AE-I) (continued from day 5)
#6.2: Empathic/Non-Empathic Persons
#6.3a: Responding to Others Exercise #4
#6.3b: Expert Responses to #4 Scenario #9
III.
Empathic Skills Level 2:
Advanced Accurate Empathy
(AE-II)
#6.4: Empathy:
A More Clear Reflection
#6.5a: Responding to Others Exercise #5
#6.5b: Expert Responses to #5 Scenario #12
#6.6: Empathy Being More than a Skill & the
Anti-Helper
#6.7a: Assignment #6: Advanced Accurate Empathy
#6.7b: Assignment #6: Discrimination Exercise
The Connection--Empathic Skills Level 2 Continued Day 7
#7.1: Devotion #7: LOVE: The Most Excellent
Way
I.
Follow-up: Empathic Skills Level
2: Advanced Accurate Empathy (AE-II)
II.
Empathic Skills Level 2: More on
Advanced Accurate Empathy (AE-II) (continued from day 6)
#7.2: Other Kinds of Empathic Response Leads
#7.3a: Common Mistakes and explain
#7.3b: Common Mistakes Exercise
#7.3c: Common Mistakes Exercise Answers
#7.4a: Responding to Others Exercise #6
#7.4b: Expert Responses to #6 Scenario #15 &
#16
III.
More On Advanced Accurate Empathy:
Caring Enough to be
involved
#1.4: Listening Self-Knowledge
#1.7b: What the Professionals Say About Empathy
#7.5: Discerning Empathy from Sympathy
#7.6a: Responding to Others Exercise #7
#7.6b: Expert Responses to Scenario #17-20
IV. The
Last Frontier (Where to Go From Here)
#7.7: The Last Frontier and discuss
Program
Table of Contents
#7.8: Where to Go from Here: Towards Wisdom and discuss
Postscript: Knowing the above does not make one a "counselor" any
more than knowing how to drive a nail makes one a carpenter. Nevertheless, the above are some of the
most important skills. Mastering these
in love will pave the way to rich relationships that honor God and help
others. Many other skills remain that
are similar or are more advanced. Some
of these are defining goals, identifying themes, pre-problem solving,
relabeling, being concrete, clarifying, personalizing, praising, humor,
identifying behavior, clarifying cause and effect, setting limits, relating
affect and behavior, prompting, stating confidence, summarizing, using metaphor
and analogy, referring, identifying cognition, confronting, focusing,
rehearsing, mutual communication, interpretation, reassuring, providing
rationales, client directing, interpreting non-verbals, modeling, imagery,
developing values, silence, using paradoxes, touching, advice giving, ordering
communication, theoretical interpretation, reasoning, rhetorical questioning.[131] These are combined with other skills to
form a variety of helping disciplines that help persons cope and grow: these include pastoral counseling, crisis
intervention, and the many kinds of psychotherapy from Freudian to
Client-centered; from helping in crises
and family difficulties to aiding in relief from destructive compulsions and
bad habits.
Title
L
O V E,
L
I S T E N I N G,
L
I B E R A T I N G :
T
h e A r t o f
C
h r i s t i a n C a r i n g
"I have found
the paradox that if
I love until it
hurts,
Then there is no
hurt, but only more love."
Mother Teresa of Calcutta
"Love does not
dominate; it cultivates."
Goethe
"Love is the
only force capable of transforming
an enemy into a
friend."
Martin Luther King
"Love begins
when a person feels
another person's
needs are
as important as his
own."
Sullivan
"Greater love
has no one than this, that
he lay down his life
for his friends."
Jesus Christ
Devotion #1:
Biblical Love
Romans 13:9-10
The commandments
. . . are summed up in this one rule: "Love your neighbor as yourself." Love does no harm to its neighbors. Therefore love is the fulfillment of the
law. (See
also Mt. 22:37-40, Gal. 5:14, and Lev. 19:18.)
John 15:9-13, 17
9-13 As the Father has
loved me, so have I loved you. Now
remain in my love. If you obey my
commands, you will remain in my love, just as I have obeyed my Father's
commands and remain in his love. I have
told you this so that my joy may be in you and that your joy may be complete. My command is this: Love each other as I have loved you. Greater love has no one than this, that he
lay down his life for his friends.
17 This is my
command: Love each other.
1 John 2:10;
3:11, 16-18, 23
2:10 Whoever loves his
brother lives in the light, and there is nothing in him to make him stumble.
11 This is the message
you heard from the beginning: We should
love one another.
16-18 This is how we know
what love is: Jesus Christ laid down
his life for us. And we ought to lay
down our lives for our brothers. If anyone
has material possessions and sees his brother in need but has no pity on him,
how can the love of God be in him? Dear
children, let us not love with words or tongue but with actions and in truth.
23 And this is his
command: to believe in the name of his
Son, Jesus Christ, and to love one another as he commanded us.
1 John 4:7, 16, 21
7 Dear friends, let
us love one another, for love comes from God.
Everyone who loves has been born of God and knows God.
16 God is love. Whoever lives in love lives in God, and God
in him.
21 And he has given us
this command: Whoever loves God must
also love his brother.
1 Corinthians 12:31, 13:1-8
31 Eagerly desire the
greater gifts. Now I will show you the most excellent way.
1-3 If I speak in the
tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am only a resounding gong or
clanging cymbal. If I have the gift of
prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith
that can move mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. If I give all I possess to the poor and
surrender my body to the flames, but have not love, I gain nothing.
4-8 Love is patient,
love is kind. It does not envy, it does
not boast, it is not proud. It is not
rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of
wrongs. Love does not delight in evil
but rejoices in the truth. It always
protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails.
Love, Listening,
Liberating
Principle
When
you wisely love and wisely listen to a hurting person,
you help that person carry their
burden. Your help liberates.
LIBERATION
WISDOM LOVE
& LISTENING
When
Love and Listening
are divided by
Wisdom,
L
i b e r a t i o n results.
Listening Self-Knowledge
This is a listening self-knowledge test.[132] Read each statement, then place a
"T" for "True" or an "F" for False in the blank.
1. _____ You can't learn to listen. Your are either good at it or not.
2. _____ Listening requires very little effort, just the simple
effort to relax with another.
3. _____ The words listening
and hearing mean the same thing.
4. _____ Listening involves only your ears.
5. _____ A basic "empathy question" that we might ask in
a helping situation might be, "What happened in this person's
childhood?" or "Why does the person do those things?"
6. _____ When I can repeat what a person has said, I have listened
well.
7. _____ Listening is an objective process. Your emotions do not affect your ability to
listen.
8. _____ In a helping situation, I tend to speak consoling words
more than listen.
9. _____ Good speakers are usually good listeners.
10. _____ When responding to feeling
and meaning, one is expressing good sympathy.
11. _____ You listen better as you get
older.
12. _____ To fully respond to another,
we need to accurately reflect the content of another's words.
13. _____ Empathy means understanding
another person's frame of reference.
14. _____ Your need to listen becomes
less after you leave school.
15. _____ You listen primarily to get
information.
Program Outline
Part 1:
The Foundation--Attending Skills
Attending Skills Set #1 Day
1
Biblical Love: Devotional #1
I. Love,
Listening, and Liberating Introduction
II. Attending
Skills Set #1: Body Language and
S-O-L-E-R
Attending Skills Set #2 Day
2
No Greater Love: Devotional #2
I. Listening
and Expectations
II. Attending
Skills Set #2: Reflecting Verbal
Content
Attending Skills Set #3 Day
3
You Must Love Your Brother: Devotional #3
I. Types
of Listening
II. Attending
Skills Set #3: Reflecting Feelings
Part 2: The
Interpersonal Bridge of
Self-Disclosure
Self-Disclosure Day
4
Give of Yourself: Devotional #4
I. The
Interpersonal Check List: Understanding
One's Interpersonal Style
II. The
Interpersonal Bridge of Self-Disclosure
Part 3: The
Connection--Empathic Skills
The Connection--Empathic Skills Level
1 Day
5
From Where Love Came & Why We
Love: Devotional #5
I. An
Introduction to Empathy
II. Empathic
Skills Level 1: Accurate Empathy (AE-I)
The Connection--Empathic Skills Level
2 Day
6
If One Part Suffers, Every Part
Suffers: Devotional #6
I. Empathic
Skills Level 1: Accurate Empathy (AE-I)
II. Empathic
Skills Level 2: Advanced Accurate
Empathy (AE-II)
The Connection--Empathic Skills Level
2 Continued Day
7